AITA for Calling a Warning Tap from My Husband Abuse? As I write this, I’m nestled in bed with my mom, who’s helping me clear my mind and explore different perspectives.
I’m 24, and my husband is 30. We’ve been together for three years and married for one. I’m using this throwaway account for some privacy.
About a week ago, my husband and I had a heated argument over his misplaced phone. I was in the shower when he lost it, and by the time I emerged, he was in a frenzy, yelling, “Where did you put it? Have you seen it?” with anger and frustration.
I told him I hadn’t touched the phone and that I needed to get dressed. He stood in the doorway, looking behind the door so I couldn’t open it. I asked him to move, but he didn’t like my tone and shoved me into the room. I tried to stay calm, saying I’d help him search once I was dressed. He insisted I hurry, and I snapped back, “I’m not rushing. This isn’t my fault!”
In response, he struck me on the mouth with the back of his hand. It wasn’t painful, but I was deeply shocked.
He called it a “warning tap” because of my “attitude.” I decided to leave immediately and went to stay with my mom. The next day, my brother helped me retrieve a few belongings. When my husband questioned whether this was truly necessary, I told him it was because his behavior was abusive.
He was enraged by my use of the word “abuse” and warned me it could jeopardize his career. While he didn’t cause me physical harm, that’s how I perceived it. He’s since sent threatening texts, saying he’ll divorce me if I use that word again or if I mention it to someone who could impact his career. AITAH for calling this abuse and potentially putting his career at risk?
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AITA for Calling a Warning Tap from My Husband Abuse?
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As a third-person perspective, your situation raises serious concerns about the dynamics of your relationship. Even though your husband’s “warning tap” didn’t cause significant physical pain, the issue goes beyond the intensity of the hit. It involves his actions during the argument, his response to your tone, and the fact that he resorted to physical force.
Physical contact like that, especially in the heat of an argument, crosses a boundary, regardless of whether it hurts. His behavior could be seen as controlling and disrespectful. Additionally, labeling his action as a “warning” suggests a justification for using physical force to correct your behavior, which is alarming in any relationship.
The fact that your husband is more concerned about his career than addressing the harm his actions caused is also telling. His anger at you for calling it “abuse” and threatening divorce to silence you suggests that he is prioritizing his reputation over your well-being. This is not healthy communication or conflict resolution.
In terms of whether you’re the “asshole” for calling it abuse, it seems you’re justified in expressing how it made you feel. Abuse is not just about the degree of physical harm but also about control, intimidation, and emotional harm. Your feelings are valid, and the fact that you reached out to your family shows that you are taking steps to protect yourself.
Ultimately, whether you choose to call it abuse or not, his actions warrant serious reflection on the health of your relationship. Being concerned for your safety and emotional well-being is not wrong, and his response to your concerns raises red flags about how he handles conflict.
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