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AITA for Keeping My Past Bisexual Flings from My Wife? I’m a 42-year-old who spent my early 20s in the pop punk/rock scene, spending all my money on concerts and travel. I often hooked up with people I met, mostly women, but I also kissed guys occasionally as the scene encouraged sexual exploration.
During this time, I became close with Max. We had a strong connection for about two weeks, but he eventually decided we were better off as friends and wasn’t sure about his feelings for men.
This breakup was the hardest I’d ever faced, even though I had other relationships. After healing, Max and I stayed friends, but I didn’t pursue any more relationships with men.
Now, I’m married with two kids and enjoy music at home rather than at concerts. Max and I still keep in touch, and our families are close.
Recently, I found old photos of Max and me and showed them when Max’s family visited. Max joked about it being “our bisexual phase,” and my wife’s attitude changed. She questioned me about it, and I explained it was a brief fling and I don’t identify as bisexual.
She said I broke her trust and needed time to think. Things have been tense since then. I’m seeking advice because I didn’t mean to hide anything—it just never seemed relevant. AITAH?
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AITA for Keeping My Past Bisexual Flings from My Wife?
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I’m 42 and spent my early 20s deeply involved in the pop-punk scene, spending all my money on concerts and casual hookups. Most of my encounters were with women, but I also kissed guys, as the scene was open to exploring different sexual experiences.
During this time, I became very close to Max. We had a strong connection for about two weeks, but he eventually decided we were better off as friends. This breakup was tough for me, but we stayed friends, and I didn’t pursue relationships with men afterward.
Now, I’m married with two kids and mostly enjoy music at home. Max and I still keep in touch, and our families are friends.
Recently, I showed some old photos of Max and me from those days when his family visited. Max made a joke about it being “our bisexual phase,” which upset my wife.
She questioned me about it, and I explained it was a brief fling and didn’t define my current identity. She feels I broke her trust and needs time to process. Things are tense between us, and I’m wondering if I did something wrong. AITA?
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OP is doing a lot of rationalizing too. He writes off his bisexuality as a natural extension of an experimental, free-love phase in his distant past. But lots of men go through similar phases of revelry in their youth, yet don’t regard kissing guys at concerts as a favorite activity or have intense, heartbreaking two-week affairs with men.
Sorry, but you can’t claim that “everybody did it” and “it’s ancient history” as a reason to hide it from your wife. If it were true that everyone did it, OP’s wife shouldn’t care and OP should have told her a long time ago. Wife has all the more reason to be upset because her husband remains good friends with his secret ex-BF.
yodawgchill writes:I think it’s less about it being a past bisexual relationship when she was unaware of any experimenting you had done, but you kept this person around you and your family and maintained a strong friendship with him all while keeping the past relationship from your wife.
Maybe you thought there would be no reason to discuss it bc it was for such a short time, but I would still feel weird if my boyfriend and I had been friends with someone for many years and then I suddenly found out they used to have a relationship. It would definitely make me question why I was purposely not told about it, it just seems like something that you would communicate to your partner about.
MrsJonesy2012 writes:YTA
I would have zero issue if my Husband was bisexual or had experimented in the past. But what I would have issue with, is him lying about it in regards to someone that is very prominent in our life. I don’t care if it was a man or woman, I care that he lied by omission by not disclosing that he has a sexual relationship with his friend.
I would not want to be friends or become close with anyone by husband has had a sexual past with. That is my boundary. Luckily he also agrees.
Far-Intention-3230 writes:YTA for putting your wife in a situation where everyone knew but her and she was blindsided in front of everyone. She deserved to know that information especially as he and his family are still involved in your lives. I certainly would feel a way about my partner not sharing something like that with me. Not because the information is bad, but because I‘d ask myself why it was never brought up. You just created problems that didn‘t need to be created.
bluestjordan writes:YTA because you continued being close to Max without letting your partner know he is an ex.
Your wife probably thinks Max is your one that got away and that you settled for her. To clarify, I don’t necessarily think this, I just think your wife is probably worried about this possibility.
