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In this scenario, a 37-year-old mother expressed discomfort with her 11-year-old daughter sitting on her lap and cuddling, feeling that the behavior was becoming inappropriate for her age. The daughter, who is smaller than average for her age, cherishes this physical affection to connect with her parents.
When the mother abruptly told her daughter she was too old for such behavior and to get off her, it deeply upset the daughter, causing her to retreat to her room and display signs of emotional distress.
The aftermath of the incident left their relationship strained. The daughter began avoiding unnecessary interactions and no longer reciprocated her mother’s attempts at physical affection. The mother conflicted about her decision, struggled with the belief that her daughter might be too old for lap-sitting, given her age and size.
However, she was now grappling with the guilt of potentially hurting her daughter’s feelings and causing a rift in their bond.
From an outsider’s perspective, the mother’s decision to abruptly declare her daughter too old for lap-sitting could be seen as insensitive and hurtful, especially considering the daughter’s smaller stature and likely desire for physical closeness with her parents.
While it’s natural for parents to set boundaries as their children grow older, such transitions are usually handled with sensitivity and understanding, considering the child’s emotional needs and feelings.
In conclusion, while the mother may have had valid concerns about age-appropriate behavior, her approach seems to have inadvertently caused emotional distress to her daughter. This situation highlights the importance of open communication, empathy, and gradual transitions in parenting as children mature.
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Let’s swiftly assess a handful of the top comments:
AITA for Saying My 11 year Old Is too Old to Snuggle?
YTA. She’s not going to want to cuddle you much longer. You maybe have a year left. And you’re throwing that time away instead of cherishing it.
This. There’s no age limit. My 15yo still does this and if she has a bad day I AM HER SAFE PLACE! She needs those head scratches and affection. YTA. Yeesh.
ETA: and yes my own mother is also the same kind of affectionate with me. SAFE PLACE! COMFORT!
YTA. And handled that terribly. You made her feel like she’d done something wrong. People sit in their parents laps at all ages. I’ve seen full grown adults do it. She’s a child. No wonder she’s upset with you.
INFO: How did you tell her? Did you literally say “You’re too old! Get off me!”? Or did you say something like “I enjoy snuggling with you, but you’re no longer small enough to fit comfortably on my lap. Why don’t you sit next to me and we can snuggle up that way?”
There’s nothing wrong with directing a child towards more age-appropriate behaviors or expressing that something is no longer comfortable for you. That’s part of helping a child grow up. But you do need to redirect them to a behavior that is appropriate (because they need to be taught, they don’t automatically know) and reinforce that while your relationship with them is changing, your love for them is consistent. If you literally told her to “Get off” with no warning, it’s no wonder why she perceived that as rejection and is now completely confused as to what sort of physical affection is ok or will get her snapped at.
What the heck, YTA. You just told your kid not to show you affection and now you are sad she isn’t showing you affection? I know 30 year old women with their own kids who still sit on their mom’s lap to hug them. You’re the only one making it weird. Apologize to your daughter.
