AITA for Praising My Son After He Scribbled on His Dad Office Walls? A mother, Lisa, is grappling with a tough parenting dilemma after a recent incident involving her three-year-old son, Max. While Lisa was engrossed in painting a mural for the nursery of her soon-to-arrive baby, Max, inspired by his mother’s creative work, decided to make his mark literally.
Under the watchful eye of his grandmother, Max took a crayon and doodled on the walls of his father’s home office.
When Lisa discovered the scribbles, she chose to focus on the positive side of the situation. She praised Max for his “artistic effort” and told him he did a “good job” as if he had made a special gift for his dad.
She also gently suggested that next time, he should use paper for his drawings, explaining that while it’s wonderful to express his creativity, it’s best to keep the walls clean for everyone to enjoy.
Lisa believed that fostering Max’s artistic talents and encouraging his imagination, even when it led to minor accidents like this, was essential for his development. She wanted him to understand that his creativity was valued, but also that there were appropriate places for his artwork, helping him learn boundaries in a positive and supportive way.
However, Lisa’s husband, Tom, had a very different reaction. Though he kept his frustration hidden while Max was around, he later expressed his disappointment to Lisa.
Tom strongly felt that praising Max for what he considered to be vandalism was entirely the wrong approach. He believed that by not addressing the issue with the seriousness it deserved, Lisa was inadvertently sending a message that Max’s actions were acceptable, regardless of the consequences.
To Tom, this wasn’t just about a child’s playful creativity; it was about teaching Max the importance of respecting rules, boundaries, and other people’s property. He worried that by downplaying the incident and focusing solely on the positive aspects of Max’s creativity, Lisa was encouraging a mindset where rules could be bent or ignored without understanding the implications.
Tom thought Max needed to learn early on that while creativity is important, it must be balanced with a sense of responsibility and respect for shared spaces.
Lisa offered practical solutions to mend the situation, including repainting the walls or turning Max’s scribbles into a decorative mural. Despite her efforts to resolve the issue and the playful intentions behind Max’s actions, Tom remained upset and chose to lock his office to prevent future incidents.
Tom’s disappointment stemmed from his perception that Lisa’s praise was inappropriate for the situation, while Lisa felt she was supporting Max’s innocent creativity. The disagreement between them revolves around balancing positive reinforcement with appropriate discipline and maintaining respect for their home.
As Lisa reflects on the situation, she is questioning whether her response was misguided. She’s torn between supporting her son’s creativity and addressing her husband’s concerns about setting boundaries. This situation underscores the challenges parents face in finding the right balance between encouragement and discipline, and how differing views on parenting can impact family dynamics.
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AITA for Praising My Son After He Scribbled on His Dad Office Walls?
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He’s three and mimicking something he saw his mom do in his unborn sibling’s room. This is super normal behavior that doesn’t warrant getting angry over especially given the clear reason for it. “Wow what a beautiful drawing but next time let’s use paper/your easel/etc here, come help me clean this up.” is not in fact bad parenting, it’s good parenting, people just don’t like it because it isn’t fear/consequence based. The only place I can see that you went wrong here is not having your kid help you clean the walls immediately.
NAH (edit from NTA) though. Not all parenting and discipline requires punishment.
ETA: I actually don’t think that your husband is TA either for locking his office door so your son can’t get in, at least temporarily. That’s setting a boundary, which is okay!
ETA: y’all I’m aware that she didn’t actually say the words in my comment. It was an example of a healthy response in line with what she did say. I don’t think her response was perfect because she didn’t ask the kid to help her clean up. Hope that clears things up a little.
YTA. I’m all for non-authoritative parenting but this is taking it a step too far. Telling him “good job” instead of explaining why it’s wrong right off the bat reinforces the bad behavior. I would also be upset if a kid drew all over my office walls.
EDIT: As people have pointed out, I mean non-authoritarian.
YTA.
I‘m sorry, but “good job” implies what he‘s done is right and absolutely won‘t teach your son anything other than further misbehaving. You could’ve explained it to him without enabling it.
YTA
The proper response was, ” I know you wanted to help decorate like Daddy, but you can not ever color on walls without permission.” You didn’t have to make a traumatic issue of it or punish, but clearly communicating was in order.
Setting boundaries is part of good parenting. You are supposed to be training the little human to function well in a big human world.
NAH… a 3 year old is not responsible, and is emulating a parent. This should be used as a teaching moment, have him help paint over it and explain that drawing on walls is only something grownups are allowed to do. Maybe put some big paper on the wall and tell him it’s ok to draw on that. But in the moment I think what you did was ok. No need to completely break the kids heart!