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It seems like you’ve been understanding about Michael’s feelings regarding the divorce for a long time, but his remark at the engagement dinner pushed you to finally speak up. You wanted to address his ongoing frustration, especially since he mentioned it in front of his in-laws.
AITA for Telling My Son to Move On from the Divorce?
Naturally, you’d want to move forward and not have the divorce brought up repeatedly, especially since both you and Natalie have moved on and kept a good relationship. However, it appears that Michael is still struggling to accept it, and while your response was truthful, it might have come across as dismissive to him at that moment.
You’re not wrong for wanting to move on from the past, but it might be helpful to have a private talk with Michael about why he’s still holding onto these feelings. By acknowledging his pain while also setting some boundaries around how and when it’s discussed, you might find a way to respect both his feelings and your own.
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It sounds like you’ve been patient with Michael’s feelings about the divorce for a long time, but his comment during the engagement dinner was the tipping point for you. You felt the need to address his lingering resentment, especially since it was brought up in front of his in-laws.
Understandably, you’d want to move on and not have the divorce constantly brought up, especially since you and Natalie have both moved on and maintained a positive relationship. However, Michael still seems to be struggling with it, and your response, while honest, might have felt dismissive to him at that moment.
You’re not wrong for wanting to move past the topic, but it might help to have a private conversation with Michael about why he’s still holding onto these feelings. Acknowledging his pain while also setting boundaries on how it’s discussed could be a way to respect both your feelings and yours.
Let’s swiftly assess a handful of the top comments;
AITA for Telling My Son It’s Time to Move On from the Divorce?
JenantD80 writes:
So your son is a hypocrite and doesn’t even care…
You have to respect HIS feelings, but he doesn’t have to respect yours.
YOU shouldn’t say anything in front of his in laws but HE can.
Your son has some growing up to do.
NTA
esk_7140 writes:
NAH
YourN point of view is valid, and so is your son’s.
The mask of a perfect relationship is what got you here. Because you pretended to be a couple since your children were 10yo (even if you were just friends), your children never imagined you’d get a divorce. They looked at you as the ideal and perfect marriage.
The divorce came as a huge shock, and unfortunately your son isn’t over it yet. He could use a therapist to help him.
It’s usually easier when the children see the obvious, that the parents don’t understand eachother. Occasion fighting, obviously not a perfect marriage. The divorce doesn’t come as a shock then.
I agree with this. I had the experience of looking up to my parents and having that view crushed. It still affects my life in tangible ways. I wonder if your son feels like the pain your divorce caused him has never been acknowledged. He should have done this in private for sure, but it might be worth having an in-person, one one-on-one conversation where you ask him to share the pain he felt from the divorce, without telling him he shouldn’t feel that way or should be over it. One good session of active listening might make all the difference.
Michael has the right to be upset about the divorce, but it doesn’t look like he’s trying to work through it. And it’s mighty hypocritical of him to make the snide comment in front of the in-laws, playing if off as venting, and then objecting to you talking back about it. NTA
