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I’m (38M) and having an issue with a friend (38M) about wedding gifts and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.
AITA for Telling a Friend He Did Not Give Me a Wedding Gift?
My friend got married in May 2023, and I was a groomsman. He asked us to cover all costs for his bachelor party and rent tuxedos ($200 each). We gave him $250 in cash as a wedding gift. We also had to pay for flights and a hotel to attend his wedding, which didn’t have enough food or drinks, so I had to buy extra alcohol
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I got married in June 2023, and my wedding was more elaborate with five events, covering food and drinks for everyone. My friend flew in and paid for a hotel, just like we did for his wedding. Since we gave him a gift, I expected at least a small gift from him, but we received nothing. Both he and his wife are financially fine.
A few months later, my friend won $220 in a betting bracket with my other friends who only know him through me. I’m still upset about not receiving a gift and feel like he’s benefiting from my friends.
I’m thinking of talking to him about the gift situation, even though it’s usually not polite to discuss gifts. Am I being unreasonable?
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Hello Reddit, first-time user here (38M). I’m dealing with a wedding gift issue with a friend (38M).
He got married in May 2023, and I was a groomsman. We paid for his bachelor party, rented tuxedos, and gave him $250 in cash. We also covered our travel costs and bought extra drinks for his wedding.
I got married in June 2023, and my wedding was more elaborate. My friend came but didn’t give us a gift. He and his wife are financially okay.
A few months later, he won $220 in a betting pool with my other friends. I’m upset about not receiving a gift and feel like he’s benefiting from my friends.
Is it unreasonable to talk to him about this?
Let’s swiftly assess a handful of the top comments
Bro the tone of this is so weird. Are you friends with this guy? You seem to not like him at all.
Just stop being friends with the dude if he isn’t putting in the same level of care and consideration into your friendship as you would like. Making it about wedding presents is just weird though and makes you seem very materialistic.
YWBTA. Should he have purchased a gift? Sure, but technically etiquette rules state it’s permissible to give the gift for up to a year after the wedding. What are you hoping to accomplish by confronting him? That he begrudgingly buys you one? Gifts are always better when they’re forced.
You chose to be a part of his wedding. You weren’t obligated to do so. It’s unfortunate that his was so poorly planned, but the fact that yours was better managed is irrelevant to this. If people choose to buy gifts for a wedding, they’re going to do so regardless of whether or not they deem your wedding a good affair
YWBTH – First, though I would check to see if he actually got your gift. Did you get a thank you note? Was it cash – maybe in a gift card and he didn’t get it (cards given at receptions have gone missing). Was it a check – have you checked to see if it cleared? Could it be a “he didn’t give me a gift, so I’m not going to give him one” situation.
But there are ways to handle this diplomatically, depending how you feel about “white lies.” You call and say something along the lines of “Sally’s writing out thank you notes and I’m embarrassed to say we’ve got a couple of gifts where the tags have fallen off . . . You didn’t get us a deluxe waffle maker did you? Okay, then it must have come from Aunt Jane, then. Mystery cleared up.”
YWBTA. The weddings are over. It sounds more like you just don’t want to be friends with him anymore, which is fine but you need to get over the gift and betting thing. Just take him out of the group chat and cut him off, if you dislike his behavior so much. Or, if you really do still value his friendship then get over it and move on.
YWBTA – gifts are never expected. That’s why they are called gifts and not obligations. It would be very tacky for you to reach out and ask him about this.
