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I’m a 35-year-old woman who lost my father when I was 5. Shortly after, my mother married a man named John, who had two teenage sons. John didn’t want to raise a daughter, so my mother left me with my aunt and took my brother (8 at the time) to live with her and John.
John, who was wealthy, spoiled my mother and brother but never acknowledged me, not even with a Christmas gift. My mother visited me only once a month and rarely answered my calls during holidays.
My aunt and uncle, who couldn’t have children, raised me as their own. Despite their financial limitations, they provided everything I needed. With some money from a high school job and help from my aunt, I paid for college. I graduated in computer science and landed a great job.
Eight years ago, I received a lucrative offer from a major tech company. I’ve since accumulated significant wealth, helped renovate my aunt and uncle’s home, and regularly sent them money.
I live alone in a high-value apartment. Recently, my mother contacted me on Instagram, where I share details of my life. She asked to meet and reconnect, hoping to mend our relationship. I agreed, hoping to finally build the bond I always wanted. We met at a downtown restaurant.
She hugged me, said she missed me, and we talked about my life. When I asked about hers, she revealed she had divorced John, my brother didn’t want to support her, and she was now struggling financially. She lives on a small pension from John and has serious heart problems.
She asked me to pay for a costly surgery she needs. I declined, saying I didn’t feel right doing it. She yelled at me in the restaurant, calling me a terrible daughter and accusing me of letting her die despite my financial capability. I left feeling humiliated.
I told my aunt, who said it was my decision but pointed out that I could afford the surgery without it affecting me. I don’t want to pay because she was never a mother to me, but I’m now questioning if I’m wrong. AITA?
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Sarah, 35, lost her dad at age 5. Her mom remarried a man named John, who didn’t want to raise a girl, so her mom left Sarah with her aunt and took her brother. John spoiled Sarah’s mom and brother but ignored her. Sarah’s mom rarely visited or called, and Sarah’s aunt and uncle raised her as their own.
Sarah worked hard, went to college, and got a great job, becoming successful. She helped her aunt and uncle financially and lived a comfortable life.
Recently, her estranged mom contacted her, wanting to reconnect. They met, and her mom revealed she was poor, sick, and needed expensive surgery. Sarah refused to pay, feeling her mom had never been there for her. Her mom got angry, calling Sarah a terrible daughter.
Sarah’s aunt said it was her choice but noted she could afford the surgery. In the end, Sarah chose not to pay, standing by her feelings that her mom hadn’t earned her help. The lesson here is about setting boundaries and valuing oneself, even when it’s tough.
Let’s swiftly assess a handful of the top comments:
AITA for not paying for my mom’s surgery even though I have money for it?
NTA She abandoned you; you don’t owe her a thing. I’m calling bullshit on the heart problems by the way. The fact she abandoned one of her children demonstrates she has no heart. You’re better off without her.
she abandoned her son for money and she has the nerve to come asking for money? Absolutely NTA.
NTA – as an adult, you are allowed to spend your money however you choose. You reap what you sow with relationships. I hope you and your family (Aunt and Uncle) have a lovely life.
