AITA for Not Ordering Food for My Daughter at a Fast Food Restaurant?

AITA for Not Ordering Food for My Daughter at a Fast Food Restaurant? My 15-year-old daughter struggles with social anxiety and is receiving counseling, but she’s not on medication.

In our household, we have a rule that if you want fast food while we’re out, you need to cover the cost yourself. If you don’t have enough money for McDonald’s, you don’t go.

Also, we don’t eat in the car, so we always stop to eat somewhere.

We had some errands to run, and I told her to eat something before we left, but she said she wasn’t hungry. While we were out, she decided she wanted to stop at Wendy’s. I parked and told her to go order while I saved a spot for us.

A few minutes later, she came back and said she couldn’t order because she was too anxious to speak to the cashier.

I told her she needed to order if she wanted food, and we would leave after that. She asked me to order for her, but I refused. We waited about 10 minutes, and then I said it was time to go.

She was upset, and my wife is also frustrated that I didn’t order for her, saying I let her go hungry (even though it was just a 4-hour outing).

AITA?

Edit: For those asking, her counselor has recommended that she handle these kinds of situations independently.

This was a low-pressure scenario, and the counselor suggested practicing ordering food on her own.

I also reviewed a script with her, but she chose not to use it.

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AITA for Not Ordering Food for My Daughter at a Fast Food Restaurant?

My 15-year-old daughter has social anxiety and is seeing a counselor but isn’t on medication.

At home, we have a rule that if you want fast food while we’re out, you have to pay for it yourself. If you don’t have enough money for McDonald’s, you don’t go. Also, we don’t eat in the car, so we stop at places to eat.

A few minutes later, she came back and said she couldn’t order because she didn’t want to talk to the cashier. I told her she needed to order if she wanted food, and we’d leave afterward.

She asked me to order for her, but I said no. We waited for about 10 minutes, and then I said it was time to go.

She was upset, and my wife is also angry that I didn’t order for her, saying I let her go hungry (though it was just a 4-hour outing).

AITA?

Edit: For those asking, her counselor has advised us that she needs to start handling these situations on her own. This was a low-risk situation, and the counselor even suggested practicing ordering food without help.

I also went over a script with her at the table, but she wouldn’t use it.

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Just my opinion but you might want to ask the counselor for a little more guidance or maybe the counselor isn’t the right fit. As the poster above describes, helping to build confidence and stepping in from time to time is perfectly acceptable and doesn’t create enabling. The push out of the nest and you better learn to fly or you’re screwed can actually cause more trauma making it harder to overcome the anxiety in the long.

I say this from two perspectives – my own with parents who were neglectful so my whole life was trial by fire (not saying you’re doing this, as it’s clear you’re trying to help and are asking for solutions) and I myself have two kids who have high anxiety needs but the Everyone’s timeline to learn how to overcome the anxiety is different and a hard and fixed solution without any yield could possibly delay the desired goal you’re seeking.

Both my kids were similar and one of them became situationally mute and would freeze. There were times I had to jump in or offer assist. Knowing that I had their back is partly what gave them the confidence to keep trying.

Now, both of them can order and pay by themselves. It just took longer than expected and the cut and dry, don’t offer any assist simply would have failed and we wouldn’t be here now. My kids got there without trauma while I got here with a lot of trauma.

I’m just saying that in your case, you might need a slightly altered approach. You’ll get there, but it just needs some adjustment.