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My mom and stepdad have been together since I was 5 and married since I was 6. I’m now 20. My dad died when I was 5, and even though my parents were separated, they weren’t divorced.
: AITA for Gifting My Stepdad a “You’re Not My Dad” Sign at Christmas Dinner?
After he passed, my mom started dating my stepdad, and they married 14 months later. I never wanted another dad, so I always called him by his first name and referred to him as my stepdad.
He’s always wanted me to see him as my dad, but I don’t. He often talks about how my dad is dead and that I barely remember him. He even tells stories about other stepkids asking their stepparents to adopt them and says I’ll eventually want that too.
At Christmas, he wouldn’t stop talking about it despite my grandma and I asking him to stop. I got fed up, made a sign saying, “Jason, you ARE NOT the father of Gracie” in a Maury Povich style, and showed it to him.
He got very angry, but my grandparents and half-brothers thought it was funny. My oldest brother said it was needed.
My mom tried to calm him down, but he called me ungrateful and said I’d regret it when he stops caring about me. I told him I just want him to accept that I won’t call him dad but that I’m okay with being close if he respects my feelings.
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My mom and stepdad have been together since I was 5, and married since I was 6. I’m now 20. My dad died when I was 5, and though my parents were separated, they weren’t divorced.
After my dad’s death, my mom started dating my stepdad and they married 14 months later. I never wanted another dad, so I always called him by his first name and referred to him as my stepdad.
He wants me to see him as my dad, but I don’t. He often brings up my dead dad and tells stories about other stepkids asking their stepparents to adopt them, saying I’ll want that too.
At Christmas, he wouldn’t stop talking about it, even when my grandma and I asked him to stop. I made a sign that said, “Jason, you ARE NOT the father of Gracie” and showed it to him.
He got very angry, but my grandparents and half-brothers found it funny. My oldest brother said it was needed.
My mom tried to calm him down, but he called me ungrateful and said I’d regret it when he stops caring about me. I told him I just want him to accept that I won’t call him dad and that I’m okay with being close if he respects my feelings.
I am thinking, specifically because of the “adoption” language, that he is wanting validation and praises from others about “everything I did for this child”. In other words, I think this is a savior complex, and he wants recognition for his “good deeds” of “saving this poor girl who lost her father”. And then resentment for not getting it.
OP, NTA. Step needs to grasp reality and get over his ideas of how he needs to be validated by you (and others) for his perceived “acts of heroism” regarding you. Stay strong!
Fearless85 writes:NTA. He clearly doesn’t respect you since you have made it very clear that he’s not your father and you don’t see him as such. I also get creepy vibes here. Also pure hilarity that you pulled a talk show move.
Background-Lab-4896 writes:NTA!!!! Stepdad is the AH for wanting to force you to have a relationship with him, and force you to conform to the terms of the relationship HE wants. He’s totally ignoring the fact that you are a human being with a mind of your own and not a robot who can be programmed to utter “I Love You Daddy” as desired.
I think your sign was appropriate, brilliantly executed…and humorous. I rate it 9.9 on a scale of 1 to 10. You didn’t quite earn a perfect 10, as I think you might have done it years ago.
harlequingirl13 writes:NTA. Even if your stepdad was Super Dad, if you don’t view him that way it’s his job to respect your wishes. It sounds like you’ve clearly set these boundaries and so have your loved ones, but he refused to listen to you. Sometimes lessons are learned the hard way. As the ancient proverb says, “Fuck around. Find out”
Character-Can3540 writes:Because it says I love him and want him to be my dad and he’s fully accepted. The stepdaughter in the story he droned on about was 21 or something
