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My dad recently passed away, and I’m struggling with planning his memorial, completing an important research paper, and dealing with severe stomach pain. My girlfriend is currently in Europe on a vacation she planned before my dad’s death. While she was away, she sent me photos of jewelry she likes, hoping I’d get a sense of her style.
AITA for getting frustrated with my girlfriends messages after my Dad Death?
Given the stress I was under, I didn’t engage much with her messages. When she asked what was wrong, I told her that I was not in a place to focus on jewelry right now because of everything I was dealing with. She apologized, and I thought the matter was settled.
However, the next day, she said she was upset with how I responded and suggested that we should take a break from texting until we can discuss things face-to-face. She understands my situation but feels she has her reasons for sending the messages.
I feel hurt and believe she hasn’t fully understood the seriousness of my situation. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way?
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My dad recently passed away, and I’m overwhelmed with organizing his memorial, finishing a key research paper, and dealing with stomach issues. My girlfriend is in Europe on a pre-planned trip. While she’s away, she’s been sending me jewelry photos to help me understand her style.
I didn’t respond much due to everything I’m handling. When she asked about it, I explained I’m not able to focus on jewelry right now. She apologized, and I thought that was the end of it.
The next day, she told me she was hurt by my response and suggested we pause texting until we could talk in person. She acknowledges my struggles but feels her reasons for the messages are valid.
I feel like she’s not fully grasping what I’m going through. Am I wrong for being upset?
Let’s swiftly assess a handful of the top comments: AITA for getting frustrated with my girlfriends messages after my Dad Death?
NTA.
It sounds like your girlfriend is angling for an engagement ring before you leave for your new job. Given how callous her responses have been in the days after your father’s death, I would not give her one. She isn’t the kind of supportive and loving partner you want.
bogartsfedora writes;May your father’s memory be for a blessing, OP. Good luck on your research and wishing you a major upgrade on the next girlfriend. (That “training” comment probably would’ve been enough for me, but her timing? Despicable.) NTA, as has been decided.
CockroachWarm5508 writes:NTA. Sorry for your loss. Your girlfriend sounds very self centered, sending your partner jewelry ideas literally a couple of days after their parent dies, is an asshole thing to do. And yet she thinks there’s a problem with how you spoke to her?? She sounds awful, don’t let her manipulate you into apologising, she is in the wrong. Who cares about her reasons? I can’t think of one that would excuse this, there’s a time and a place.
bladaster writes:NTA. She was wrong to text you about jewelry when you were in deep mourning but then travel can be very distracting. Telling her there was a time and place for things like this, after she had already apologized, might have felt to her like more of a scolding than she needed, and why she then overreacted.
It sounds, tbh, like there are other pre-existing tensions at play, and how much of that is your responsibility and how much of it is yours is between the two of you to figure out.
But for her to make any kind of a deal of it at all when your dad has just died … is deeply insensitive. Only you know if that’s in or out of character for her.
Incredibly sorry for your loss.
