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In 2010, I (35F) was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. My doctor advised me to avoid red meat to help manage inflammation, and over time, I decided to cut out meat entirely. This change has helped my health, so I’ve stuck with it. I’m not bothered if others eat meat around me, and I don’t push my diet on anyone.
Yesterday, my partner Joel (34M) and I went to a family BBQ at his parents’ house. It was a big gathering with about 30 relatives, including aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandkids. Everyone in Joel’s family is friendly, except for “Uncle Dave” (50sM), who is known for stirring up trouble
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A few years back, Dave went through a rough divorce with his ex-wife, who isn’t part of the family anymore. He’s a heavy drinker and has a reputation for being rude, especially when it comes to making comments about other people’s choices.
At the BBQ, I was standing up while eating, which is something I’ve gotten used to over the years. Dave came over and started mocking my “liberal food” and the fact that I was standing, even though others were also standing. He tried to put some brisket on my plate, saying he’d “convert me for my good.” This wasn’t the first time he’d made rude comments about my vegetarianism.
Then, Dave took a bite of his burger, grinned at me with food in his teeth, and said, “MMM! Meat!” while laughing and spraying food everywhere. I’d finally had enough, and I snapped, saying, “You know, Uncle Dave, if you’d gotten your drinking under control years ago instead of fooling around with waitresses, maybe you’d still be married.”
Everyone around us went quiet and stared. Dave stormed off, saying he didn’t have to deal with that kind of treatment.
Now, the family is split on how I handled it. Joel and the cousins, including Dave’s child, are on my side. Joel’s parents said they felt uncomfortable with what I said but agreed that Dave had it coming. However, some of the aunts and uncles have been sending me texts, saying I was out of line and shouldn’t expect to be invited to future events if I act that way.
So, AITA? Did I go too far?
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Back in 2010, I (35F) was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. My doctor told me to stop eating red meat to help with inflammation, and over time, I ended up cutting out meat completely. This change has worked well for me, so I’ve stuck with it. I don’t mind if others eat meat around me, and I don’t try to convince anyone else to follow my diet.
Yesterday, my partner Joel (34M) and I went to a family BBQ at his parents’ house. It was a big gathering with about 30 relatives, including aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandkids. Joel’s family is great, except for “Uncle Dave” (50sM). He’s the one uncle who always stirs up trouble.
A few years ago, Dave went through a rough divorce with his ex-wife, who isn’t part of the family anymore. He drinks a lot and has a habit of being rude, especially when it comes to making comments about other people’s choices.
At the BBQ, I was standing while eating, which is something I often do. Dave walked over to me and started mocking my “liberal food” and the fact that I was standing while eating, even though other people were standing too. He tried to put some brisket on my plate, saying he’d “convert me for my good.” This wasn’t the first time he’s made rude comments about me not eating meat.
Then, Dave took a bite of his burger, grinned at me with food in his teeth, and said, “MMM! Meat!” while laughing and spraying food everywhere. I’d had enough. I snapped and said, “You know, Uncle Dave, if you’d gotten your drinking under control years ago instead of fooling around with waitresses, maybe you’d still be married.”
Everyone around us went silent and stared. Dave stormed off, saying he didn’t have to deal with that kind of talk.
Now, the family is split on how I handled it. Joel and the cousins, including Dave’s child, are on my side. Joel’s parents said they felt uncomfortable with what I said but agreed that Dave had it coming. However, some of the aunts and uncles have been sending me messages, saying I was out of line and shouldn’t expect to be invited to future events if I act that way.
Did I go too far by bringing up his divorce?
Let’s swiftly assess a handful of the top comments
“AITA for Bringing Up My Uncle-in-Law’s Divorce After He Kept Criticizing Me?”
As far as the rest of the family goes: if they were better at making the alcoholic family member behave, or had come to your defense when he was obviously bullying you, as opposed to just letting him get away with his bad behavior, you wouldn’t have had to resort to what you said.
And it’s telling that your aunts and uncles are threatening you with being banned from family events for what you said, but have put up with the drunk’s bullying you (and I assume other people) with no consequences for him. That is hypocrisy at its finest. Perhaps you ought to point this out to them.
At the least, you sent a message to your uncle that you are not an easy target – that you will fight back
NTA. Sounds like Dave received a lesson courtesy of you: Don’t start any, won’t be any. And the fact that his kids think you’re in the right speaks VOLUMES
NTA. Was it harsh? Maybe. Was it justified? ABSOLUTELY! As a vegetarian myself, I’ve constantly had to put up with family members that act similarly to your uncle. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and you don’t deserve to be mocked for a lifestyle choice that you made because of a medical condition.
noncit writes:
NTA. The fact that some of the family support you suggest that this is an ongoing issue and he had it coming
