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AITA for Telling My Fiancee She Can Not Expect My Mom to Put Her First? While planning their August 2024 wedding, a couple found themselves in the middle of unexpected tension between the bride-to-be, Janie, and her fiancé’s mother. The couple had been engaged for a while, saving up for their big day. But things got complicated when the groom’s mother, who happens to be a wedding planner, announced her wedding date for May 2024 just two months before theirs.
Janie was caught off guard by the timing. She felt that having a parent’s wedding so close to their own might steal some of the spotlight. She even mentioned that her parents would never plan their wedding so close to hers.
The situation came to a head during a family gathering when Janie joked about not bringing the groom’s mother to her dress fittings. This joke didn’t sit well, leading to a tense confrontation between Janie and her future mother-in-law.
Trying to smooth things over, the groom stepped in. He assured Janie of his love but also pointed out that she couldn’t expect his mom to put their wedding above her own. This didn’t go over well, and Janie became upset, refusing to talk about it any further.
Now, the groom is second-guessing his response, wondering if he was too harsh and didn’t fully appreciate Janie’s feelings. What should be a joyful time is now clouded by tension, as they try to balance the dynamics between Janie and his mom.
As they continue planning their wedding, the groom is hoping to find a way to ease the tension and ensure both weddings can be celebrated without any hard feelings.
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AITA for Telling My Fiancee She Can Not Expect My Mom to Put Her First?
A couple planning their August 2024 wedding faced unexpected tension between the bride-to-be, Janie, and the groom’s mother. The groom’s mother, a wedding planner, scheduled her wedding for May 2024, just two months before theirs.
Janie was uncomfortable with the timing, feeling it might overshadow their big day. During a family gathering, Janie made a joke about not inviting the groom’s mother to her dress fittings, which led to a confrontation.
The groom tried to mediate, telling Janie she couldn’t expect his mother to prioritize their wedding over her own. This upset Janie, who then refused to discuss the matter further.
Now, the groom is questioning whether his response was too harsh. He’s hoping to find a way to ease the tension and ensure both weddings can be celebrated without further conflict.
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Let’s swiftly assess a handful of the top comments: AITA for Telling My Fiancee She Can Not Expect My Mom to Put Her First?
_SneakyDucky_ writes:
NTA, but your mom is IMHO
Who in their right mind has a 5 month engagement and books it right before their own sons wedding? Unlimited budget or not? I’m sorry, but I have a friend who did this just so she could say she was married first. I have a friends brother that is currently doing the same. I don’t know if your mom has been married before, but if she has, that would make it even worse imo. Your mom seems completely uninterested by your upcoming nuptials, and I can understand why Janie feels snubbed. Frankly, I feel snubbed for her, and I think anyone in a similar situation has the right to feel snubbed. Please just tell me it’s not at the same venue….
MrsChickenPam writes:
NTA – while personally I do find it a little weird that your mom wedged her wedding in before yours, that is probably standard behavior for your mom. Janie is just finding it hard to accept, while you’ve had your whole life to deal with what is probably not the first of self-centered acts by her, I’m guessing.
Your mom isn’t going to change – the sooner Janie realizes that, the easier the rest of your lives is going to be.
hface84 writes:
NTA. I actually agree with Janie that it is weird that your mom swooped in and planned her wedding 2 months before yours.
I said while I love her so much, she can’t expect my mom to feel as strongly about our wedding or to prioritize her.
Sure, but she isn’t prioritizing YOU either OP. I think Janie was thinking/hoping you felt the same as her. But, she is your mom and you know your relationship and if it doesn’t bother you then just try and get your fiancée to ignore and move along.
Chocolatecandybar_ writes:
INFO: you said your mom is a wedding planner with plenty of possibilities.
Is it possible that Jane is weirded out because a) due to her very specific job, she very specifically knows that brides would rather have the family attention on themselves instead of sharing the preparation phase with someone else; b) as a parent, one would expect her to be all focused on her kid getting married, even more so when her job makes her an endless source of advice/good info; and c) Jane herself grew up in a more traditional environment where parents of the groom/bride are all focused on the kid getting married and would never do something like this unless the parent is very self centered with a narcisistic tendency?
I’m sorry if this sounds like a judgement to your mom, I can ensure you it’s not, just genuinely curious because I feel that the single “2 months” thing makes little sense.
LogicalDifference529 writes:
Your mom is a professional wedding planner and she didn’t realize it’s rather tacky to get engaged and plan your wedding 2 months before someone else in the family who’s been engaged and planning longer? On top of that, she has no budget and you’ve been saving up for this? Your mom is 100% trying to upstage your wedding and your fiancé is very aware of that.
