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AITA for Sticking to My No Night Care Rule with Our Baby? My wife Katie (25F) and I (28M) recently had our first baby. I’m an athlete who needs a lot of sleep for my training, so before having the baby, we agreed I wouldn’t handle nighttime care. We planned to hire a night nurse for that.
Recently, Katie has been distant and upset, saying she’s overwhelmed because I’m not helping at night. She doesn’t want to hire a night nurse or ask a family member for help
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We have a maid and use a meal delivery service, so Katie’s not handling all the housework. Doctors and therapists don’t think she’s experiencing postpartum issues. I’m sticking to our agreement, but Katie is unhappy.
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AITA for Not Waking Up to Take Care of Our Baby?
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My wife Katie (25F) and I (28M) recently had our first baby. As an athlete, I need a lot of sleep, so we agreed before the baby arrived that I wouldn’t help with nighttime care. We planned to hire a night nurse for this.
Recently, Katie has been distant and upset that I’m not helping at night, even though we had agreed on this. She doesn’t want to hire a night nurse or ask family for help, and we’re stuck.
We also have a maid and use a meal delivery service, so she’s not handling all the housework alone. Doctors and therapists don’t think she has postpartum issues.
I spend time with the baby during the day but stick to our agreement about not waking up at night.
Let’s swiftly assess a handful of the top comments: AITA for Not Waking Up to Take Care of Our Baby?
NTA I thought this would be the normal story of the wife doing all the baby stuff, cooking, cleaning, ect. But you have a maid & food service so she mostly just does the baby stuff. And seeing as how this is the only thing you’ve told her (and made clear before even having a baby) plus giving her multiple solutions. Your definitely nta
This right here. Given the lack of sleep, post partum, and having just given birth, wife is not thinking clearly. If you are the spouse that brings home the income you need your sleep because your a professional sports player, I’m sure she wouldn’t want to jeopardize your job. Ultimately, I think she will have to get a night nurse. Plenty of people do this and the baby is just fine. NAH.
NTA, you clearly set boundaries and offered alternatives.
But maybe you can give a little? Is there a night of the week you can let the wife sleep? Maybe have who ever the night nanny would be over for some day nanny stuff to build trust? You shouldn’t compromise your profession, especially athletic ones that have health/injury risks that would also compromise your future earnings, but maybe this is sign your wife just needs more help than she thought and you gotta adapt somehow.
I appreciate your thoughtful response, and it does help give some clarity to the situation. I’ve spoken with my wife and we’re going to have my sister watch our son a couple times per week so she can immediately get some rest while she gets comfortable with a night nurse. We’re going to get a night nurse to help out during the day so she can build some trust before transitioning to a fully alone night time situation.
NAH
You’re not one because you need your sleep in order to maintain your performance levels as an athlete.
She is not one because she doesn’t trust a night nurse. Do you have any family members that would be able to assist in this burden that you can hire to be a night nurse? Nor her family, but yours? I know she says she doesn’t want to burden them, but maybe someone in either of your families would be interested in doing this. Because there are some night-owl-ish people out there that this would be a good job for.
