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AITA for Not Tipping After Hearing What the Waitress Said About Me? Last night, I (30 F) went to dinner with my mother, who was meeting my boyfriend’s mom for the first time. We wanted everything to go smoothly, so we arrived 30 minutes early for our reservation and were seated promptly.
The restaurant was almost empty, but our waitress took 20 minutes to approach our table. Right from the start, I sensed she wasn’t happy to be serving us. Instead of a friendly greeting, she simply asked what we wanted to drink, and I noticed she didn’t bother writing down our order. Another 15 minutes passed before our drinks arrived, and both were incorrect. It’s hard to imagine messing up a ginger ale and vodka soda, but she did.
When my mom pointed out that she hadn’t ordered a Pepsi, the waitress rolled her eyes, took the glass, and walked away. A little while later, I excused myself to find the restroom. Not sure where it was, I headed to the entrance to ask a hostess.
As I neared the server area, I overheard our waitress talking to the hostesses, complaining about having to serve “a black table” because “they” never tip well. My mom and I were the only black customers in the restaurant, and she wasn’t even trying to be subtle.
While I wasn’t completely surprised, her poor attitude made more sense now. I interrupted their conversation, asked for the restroom, and didn’t let on that I’d heard her. When I returned, my boyfriend and his mom, who are both white, had joined us. The waitress’s demeanor instantly changed. Suddenly, she was attentive, taking notes, cracking jokes, and keeping our water glasses full. She didn’t make a single mistake for the rest of the meal.
Since the evening had gone well, I decided to cover the bill. When the waitress handed me the payment machine, I smiled as I entered “0%” for the tip. She didn’t notice until after the receipt was printed, but by then, we were already leaving.
She tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I’d made a mistake on the bill. I told her I hadn’t, and when she asked if something was wrong with her service, I replied that her service was excellent. But as a black woman, I guess I just don’t tip well, right? Her face went pale, and she laughed nervously. I smiled, laughed too, and walked out.
My boyfriend’s mom later asked what had happened, so I explained what I’d overheard. She told me I should’ve tipped anyway to show character and seemed upset with me. My boyfriend and mom are on my side, but now I’m wondering if I should’ve left at least a $2 tip to avoid the tension.
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AITA for Not Tipping After Hearing What the Waitress Said About Me?
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A 30-year-old woman went to dinner with her mother, who was meeting her boyfriend’s mom for the first time. Arriving 30 minutes early for their reservation, they were seated without issue in a nearly empty restaurant. Despite this, their waitress took 20 minutes to reach their table, showing no enthusiasm. Instead of a warm greeting, she bluntly asked for their drink orders and didn’t write them down. After another 15 minutes, their drinks arrived, but both were incorrect.
When the woman’s mother pointed out that she hadn’t ordered a Pepsi, the waitress rolled her eyes, took the glass, and left. Later, the woman excused herself to find the restroom and overheard the waitress complaining to the hostesses about having to serve “a black table” because “they” never tip well. The woman and her mother were the only black patrons in the restaurant, and the waitress made no effort to be discreet.
Although the woman wasn’t surprised by the waitress’s attitude, it did explain the poor service. She interrupted the conversation, asked for the restroom, and didn’t reveal she’d overheard. When she returned, her boyfriend and his white mother had joined them, and the waitress’s behavior changed drastically. She became attentive, friendly, and efficient, making no further mistakes.
At the end of the evening, the woman decided to pay the bill and entered a 0% tip on the payment machine. The waitress didn’t notice until the receipt printed, and by then, the group was already leaving. The waitress approached the woman, questioning if she had made a mistake. The woman replied that her service had been excellent but implied that, as a black woman, she was expected not to tip well. The waitress’s reaction was a mix of shock and nervous laughter.
The woman’s boyfriend’s mother later expressed that she should have left a tip to show character, appearing upset. The woman’s boyfriend and mother supported her decision, but she now wonders if a small tip might have avoided the conflict.
Let’s Find out: AITA for Not Tipping After Hearing What the Waitress Said About Me?
hellogoawaynow Writes:
Was in the industry for 7 years, fuck no she doesn’t get a tip! And I’m usually the lady in the comments screaming about always tipping your servers. Racist service does not get a tip and honestly that server needs to be fired.
Are there stereotypes that we see in the service industry regarding tipping and race? Yes. And yall. There are negative tipping stereotypes about every single race, including white people. Servers as a group will have bad things to say about everyone, it’s sort of part of the culture. It’s not good, but it is true.
But do you SAY THOSE PRIVATE RACIST STEREOTYPE COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE THOUGHTS AND THEN ACTIVELY TREAT PEOPLE LIKE SHIT BECAUSE OF IT??? No, no you do not. That is majorly beyond “just a sad but true part of restaurant culture” into full blown racism.
PurplePanicAC Writes:
My mom was a server for over 40 years. She treated everyone the same, with a smile on her face. There was a guy who didn’t tip, so the others didn’t want to serve him. My mom served him and got a tip. The others couldn’t believe it 😁
My mom was a server and she always taught me to tip good because you never know what may be going on with someone’s life and why, if you got bad service, they were giving bad service. Tips are life.
Agree. When I worked in service, I noticed the “trend” of who tipped and who didn’t tip (the trends didn’t just apply to black people). But I still gave the same level of service to everyone, even if they were regulars that I knew for a fact would or wouldn’t tip well. Giving bad service to someone doesn’t make my day any better or make me any more money. I’m being paid to be there and provide service, so that’s what I did. Enough people tipped well enough that I was generally happy at the end of the day.
ellaf21 Writes:
NTA. I worked as a server for six years and I would absolutely not expect a tip for behaving like this to customers. She probably does not make much in tips, and this industry isn’t for her. It’s so inappropriate to ask people why they didn’t tip you, this is so embarrassing.
