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AITA for not teaching my daughter to drive? I have an 18-year-old daughter who holds a driver’s permit and is eager to learn to drive. In our state, once you turn 18, you must pass a written exam and hold your permit for at least 30 days but no longer than 6 months. She’s now been driving with her permit for three months. Recently, she’s exhibited some concerning behaviors.
For instance, she often dismisses our concerns, reacts with strong emotions, and shows a lack of empathy towards us. Her social interactions could be improved; she sometimes ignores greetings at church.
She also mentioned she’d rather not be with us on Christmas Eve because she has to work. Moreover, she can be quite proud and resistant when we discuss issues with her, and I believe she needs to cultivate more humility.
I’ve told her that if she doesn’t improve her behavior, I will stop teaching her to drive, even though her permit will soon expire.
She has told us she would prefer us to take her phone away, as driving is crucial to her and represents her opportunity for independence. I’ve emphasized that respect is more important than driving, and we’re focused on helping her grow as a person.
I’m questioning if my approach is too severe. I didn’t realize that encouraging kindness and respect might be seen as controversial. Whenever we address issues with her, she becomes defensive and emotional, which I interpret as insecurity.
Even when you disagree with your parents, you should still show respect. Rudeness and emotional coldness are not acceptable in our home; she needs to learn to be mindful of others’ feelings. Although she says she’s kind to her friends,
I believe that kindness should be universal.
If she continues being rude, she might need to consider living independently.
When I mention humility, I mean the ability to accept constructive feedback without taking it personally, which I see as a sign of insecurity.
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I have an 18-year-old daughter with a driver’s permit who is determined to learn how to drive. In our state, after turning 18, you need to pass a written test and hold your permit for at least 30 days but no longer than 6 months. She’s currently in her third month.
Recently, she’s been showing some behavioral issues that concern me. For example, she often dismisses our concerns, reacts emotionally, and seems indifferent to our feelings.
Her social skills aren’t the best; she sometimes doesn’t acknowledge people who greet her at church. She also mentioned not wanting to be around us on Christmas Eve because she has to work. Additionally, she tends to be prideful when we discuss things with her, and I feel she needs to be more humble.
I’ve told her that if she doesn’t improve her behavior, I won’t continue teaching her to drive, even though her permit will expire soon. She’s expressed that she would prefer us to take her phone away instead, as learning to drive is very important to her and represents her chance at independence.
I’ve explained that respect is more important than driving and that we are focusing on her character development.
I’m questioning if I’m being too harsh with this approach. I didn’t realize that treating others kindly and respecting parents might be controversial. Whenever we talk to her, she becomes defensive and emotional, which I’ve told her is a sign of insecurity
Even when you disagree with your parents, you should remain respectful. Rudeness and indifference are not acceptable in our home she needs to learn to consider others’ feelings. While she claims to be kind to her friends, selective kindness isn’t enough. If she continues to be rude, she’ll need to move out.
When I talk about humility, I mean being able to accept constructive criticism without feeling personally attacked.
Top Op of this Reddit Post: AITA for not teaching my daughter to drive?
Just two days ago I was filling my gas tank after a loooong work day. Guy pulls up to the pump next to mine and says, “Excuse me, do you always look so scary? It’s okay to smile sometimes.” My guy, I was zoned out, freezing my ass off just wanting to go home. Pissed me off when I was in a fine mood with my RBF on.
I hope she moves out in the middle of the night and never calls again. She deserves peace. Imagine what we didn’t hear about if OP is this comfortable being an open controlling narcissist. The stuff they don’t admit to must be horrid.
She could move out right now if she wanted to. If OP doesn’t cooperate on the license issue then that may be sooner than expected.
Yep. The inevitable outcome of treating an adult like a child with no agency over their own thoughts, emotions, and facial expressions, is that they will leave as soon as possible simply to gain the freedom to be themselves. And often, they choose to go completely no contact. I’ve seen it happen, and I’ve seen the regret by the parents. And it’s too late. If you push someone too far, they will want nothing to do with you after they leave.
