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About four months ago, my sister was diagnosed with Sarcoma, a type of bone and tissue cancer. She’s had many procedures and spent a lot of time in the hospital. I’ve been with her through much of it, helping and supporting her.
While I don’t mind assisting her, when she was first diagnosed, my mom expected me to drop everything to be there for her. This meant that if my sister was in the hospital, I was there too. If she had surgery or a stressful procedure, I had to stop whatever I was doing, including school, to wait and support her.
I managed all of this despite it being annoying. However, recently, the doctors decided to start chemotherapy, causing my sister’s hair to fall out.
She shaved her head and is very upset because she loved her hair. The other day, my mom suggested I shave my own hair to make a wig for my sister. For context, my hair reaches below my butt, and in my family (on my dad’s side), we only cut our hair when a family member dies. This tradition is important to us. Plus, I’ve been growing my hair since I was a child and don’t want to shave it.
I explained this to both my sister and my mom, but they insisted I should do it, claiming the tradition is meaningless, especially since my sister might die. I refused. They asked several more times, with my sister even begging. I reiterated why I wouldn’t shave my hair and that their request was insulting.
Now, my sister is upset, saying I don’t care about her struggles and that I’m not being understanding. It hurts because I’ve done so much for her, but she’s never asked for something like this before. So, I’m conflicted. Am I the A-hole?
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AITA for Not Helping My Younger Sister Battling Cancer?
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Here’s some background before the story. Our dad is a Pacific Islander, and our mom is white. My sister (14) and I (17) were both born in the US. Our parents divorced when I was about six. I stayed with my dad until I was 11, while my sister lived with our mom. Now, I live with my mom because my dad moved back to the islands, but I didn’t want to leave my friends.
I still keep in touch with my family on the islands and my cultural roots, thanks to my dad. My sister, however, doesn’t have that connection.
About four monthsago, my sister was diagnosed with Sarcoma, a type of bone and tissue cancer. She’s had many procedures and spent a lot of time in the hospital.
I’ve been with her through much of it, helping and supporting her. While I don’t mind assisting her, when she was first diagnosed, my mom expected me to drop everything to be there for her. This meant that if my sister was in the hospital, I was there too. If she had surgery or a stressful procedure, I had to stop whatever I was doing, including school, to wait and support her.
I managed all of this despite it being annoying. However, recently, the doctors decided to start chemotherapy, causing my sister’s hair to fall out. She shaved her head and is very upset because she loved her hair. The other day, my mom suggested I shave my own hair to make a wig for my sister.
For context, my hair reaches below my butt, and in my family (On my dad’s side) we only cut our hair when a family member dies. This tradition is important to us. Plus, I’ve been growing my hair since I was a child and don’t want to shave it.
I explained this to both my sister and my mom, but they insist I should do it, claiming the tradition is meaningless, especially since my sister might die. I refused. They asked several more times, with my sister even begging. I reiterated why I wouldn’t shave my hair and that their request was insulting.
Now, my sister is upset, saying I don’t care about her struggles and that I’m not being understanding. It hurts because I’ve done so much for her, but she’s never asked for something like this before. So, I’m conflicted. Am I the A-hole?
Top Commentators of the Reddit Post: AITA for Not Helping My Younger Sister Battling Cancer?
My husband has luxurious black curly hair. He is a professional and three times he has grown out his hair to his waist for LOCKS OF LOVE. This hair has never been colored or highlighted and the process can take 6-9 months for each wig to be made.
OP, please don’t allow anyone to bully you. Hold your ground. This is your beautiful hair. You get to chose. I am sorry for your sister (and your mom), however, this is not acceptable. If you feel uneasy, perhaps some calls to your dad might be to gain her perspective and solidify your decision. Here’s wishing you all the best. NTA
there was another one a while ago. a pro wig maker said it takes several batches of hair and several thousand dollars to make a wig. and that takes quite a while to make, it’s insane that they pulled you out of school and even more insane that they expect you to cut all your hair off. your mom is totally out of line.
Why doesn’t mother shave her hair? I can guarantee you that for a beautiful wig, you don’t need human hair, there a so much nice and affordable wigs, you can’t see that it is a wig. Please don’t shave your hair if you feel like this. Your mom and sister act that if you sacrifice your hair everything is fixed and okay. That isn’t. Within everything that now is happening, it can deliver you a close to traumatic experience. It is not okay they pressure you to do this.
I would start looking for another relative to live with if possible, in case they would try to stoop so low as to cut your hair when you’re sleeping. I don’t know what they are like, but sometimes people tend to do crazy things.
