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I was thrilled when two of my closest friends, Lisa and Shelley, agreed to be in my wedding party. Everything seemed perfect until three months later when Lisa, citing financial constraints, backed out. I was disappointed but understood; the $100 dress and a few expenses seemed reasonable. Both Lisa and her boyfriend have stable jobs and low rent, so I was confused about the sudden financial issue.
AITA for Not Checking on My Friend After She Left My Wedding Party?
Knowing that Shelley and Lisa are tight, I checked in with Shelley to ensure she was still committed. She confirmed she was, and I moved forward with my plans. However, later that night in our group chat, Shelley blasted me for expecting them to spend $100 on a dress and announced she was dropping out as well. I was blindsided and hurt, especially since I had always supported them in the past.
With the wedding date approaching, I needed to fill the spots quickly. I reached out to another friend who was excited and honored to join. This helped alleviate some of the sting from the recent departures.
A week later, Shelley texted me, furious that I hadn’t checked on her before finding a replacement. She accused me of being a terrible friend and even started bad-mouthing my fiancé to mutual acquaintances. I’m stunned by her reaction and unsure if there’s any friendship left to salvage.
Am I the villain here for not reaching out to Shelley before replacing her, or is this revealing that perhaps our friendship wasn’t as strong as I thought?
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I was excited when my close friends Lisa and Shelley agreed to be at my wedding party, but things went south quickly. Three months in, Lisa dropped out, citing financial issues with a $100 dress and some minor expenses. Given their stable jobs and low rent, I was confused but tried to be understanding.
Since Lisa and Shelley are close, I double-checked with Shelley to ensure she was still on board. She confirmed, so I proceeded with planning. Later that night, Shelley publicly criticized me in our group chat for the dress cost and announced she was also dropping out. I was hurt and blindsided.
With the wedding approaching, I swiftly recruited another friend who was thrilled to join. A week later, Shelley angrily texted me, upset that I didn’t check on her before replacing her, and even began disparaging my fiancé to mutual friends. I’m unsure if this fallout means our friendship was never as strong as I thought or if I genuinely messed up.
Am I wrong for not reaching out to Shelley before finding a replacement, or does this show our friendship wasn’t as solid as I believed?
The sheer level of narcissistic pettiness from your ‘friend’ is off the charts. NTA. Was she seriously expecting you to beg her to be your bridesmaid? You had asked her, she accepted, then drops out – I feel like if you had pushed for her to stay on, she’d complain that you’re expecting too much! This feels like a power move where you couldn’t win no matter what you do – even if you’d paid for the dress, she’d probably make it a thing with the other bridesmaids that you didn’t pay for theirs, and then the next thing you know you’re spending another $2000 covering all the bridesmaids and groomsmen attire to make it fair. Nightmare. This girl is stirring shit for no reason and she isn’t your friend.
“Shelley started texting that it was crazy I expected them to pay $100 for a dress to be in the wedding”
—Do these people live in the 1980s?
“from Shelley I get a text message saying how awful it is that I didn’t check on her to see how she was doing or to make sure she didn’t want to do it before I replaced her.”
—Why would you do either of those? Why would you wait around on getting a replacement when the date is just around the corner? What a weirdo.
She’s not going to the wedding is she? NTA.
Flimsy-Car-7926 Writes:
NTA. $100 is super reasonable for a bridesmaids dress. And what where you supposed to be checking on her about? Like honestly? It’s YOUR wedding. She dropped out. You didn’t have to double check ANYTHING. Some people really do think the entire universe revolves around them. You’re good. I’d be cutting off someone bad mouthing me and my fiance.
