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AITA for Keeping My Debt Details Private from My Husband? My husband (32M) stays home to care for our 23-month-old son while I (29F) work full-time from home. A few months ago, he told me he needs £200 monthly for personal spending, mostly video games.
On top of that, he often asks for extra PSN cards for new game releases or wants me to buy toys for our son, saying that one toy isn’t enough and he needs almost the whole collection. He also asks for takeout and other things. When I say no, he makes me feel guilty until I give in. Any extra spending beyond our budget goes on my credit card, and after paying all the bills, I end up with less money than he gets each month to pay off our debt.
This month, I got a work bonus of about £1600 after taxes. I’m giving him £900—£600 for a new PS5 Pro and £300 for a collector’s edition of a game. He also wants to get our son a tablet, so I offered £100 towards that, leaving the rest to pay off debt. When he asked why I wasn’t giving him more, I explained that because of the cost of the console, there wasn’t much left.
He got upset, saying I was making him feel bad and accusing me of always adding conditions to what I buy him (which I don’t I’ve never complained about buying him anything and always try to make sure he gets what he wants).
He then started asking how much debt we had, so I told him, but he got upset that I hadn’t shared it sooner. I explained that I didn’t think he needed to know every detail since I always make sure we’re okay financially. He knows I would tell him if we weren’t. However, he’s not helping to pay off the debt; instead, he’s just taking money from me for what he wants.
Now, he’s acting like I’m treating him like a child and lying to him, calling me a bad wife and saying that none of his friends have marriages like this. I’m just trying to manage our finances and keep things going, but now I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong here. AITA?
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AITA for Keeping My Debt Details Private from My Husband?
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stickndip Writes:
No he doesn’t want anything to do with the budget. It should be a joint thing you’re right but he literally doesn’t want to know what the budget is. He only cares that I send him the right amount for his spending money, the bills coming out of his account, and then anything extra he asks for.
I would love to be able to discuss the budget and finances with him but every time I try to he gets annoyed and says he doesn’t understand and leaves it to me. So if all the money is left up to me (earning it, budgeting it, and paying back debt) why should he know the ins and outs of it all?
I didn’t when the roles were reversed nor did I expect to. I was doing the budget so I knew what was getting paid back (just like I tell him how much is getting paid back each month) but I never knew how much he owed.
Your_Auntie_Viv Writes:
NTA So, with that bonus $, how much of that are you spending on yourself?
From your post, it sounds like your entire bonus is going to your greedy-ass husband (gaming supplies + paying off debt for other goodies he’s bought for himself) and a measly £100 for your child (not sure why a toddler needs a tablet but that’s your own parenting choice to make).Does this sound sane or reasonable to you?
He sounds like a greedy little brat that is leaching off of you. Of course a stay at home parent has needs and desires but you are going into debt just so he can have whatever the he’ll he wants.
Not many new parents can afford to lavish themselves with brand new gaming consoles and collectors items. But apparently he can, while driving YOU into debt.
You both need to get together every month to go over finances and make a budget . Maybe if he understands your finances better, he might not be so greedy. If he continues, you need to reevaluate this relationship.
stickndip Writes:
I would LOVE to involve him into the budgeting process but he doesn’t want to be. He can’t even budget his own spending money properly. He has literally left all the money side of things to me. I am forever trying to talk to him about it but he doesn’t want to know. I have it on my phone and I send him the break down each month even trying to talk it through with him but he gets upset at me cos he doesn’t understand and just gives up.
