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AITA for Ending the Party After a Pregnancy Reveal? My wife Anna (28F) and I (28M) were over the moon when we learned we were expecting. Anna was almost three months along, and we were thrilled. We bought everything a baby could need and spent hours dreaming about our future together.
But on August 23rd, 2024 our joy turned to sorrow. Anna woke me up in tears, showing me a large blood stain on the sheets.
It was devastating for both of us, but Anna was particularly affected. She cried for hours each day, stopped eating, and spoke harshly about herself and her “worthless body.”
I tried to comfort her as best as I could, but I was also deeply grieving and struggled to find the right words. After four months of therapy, we slowly began to heal. Anna started to smile more, though she was still a bit anxious.
On January 14th, I wanted to make Anna’s birthday unforgettable. I invited friends and family and prepared her favorite dishes, hoping to bring her some happiness.
Our families knew about our loss and how it had impacted Anna, especially my brother and sister-in-law, since we had stayed with them for a while.
During the party, as everyone was enjoying the meal, my brother and sister-in-law announced that she was pregnant. The room went silent for a few seconds before everyone erupted in congratulations. I was shocked and turned to see Anna’s blank expression.
She eventually forced a smile, congratulated them, and hugged them. For the next 20 minutes, the conversation revolved around pregnancy, baby names, and baby gear. I felt they could have shared this news at their upcoming 5th anniversary party in just two weeks. It seemed inappropriate to overshadow Anna’s birthday with this announcement.
I saw Anna leave for our bedroom and found her crying. She said she didn’t want to face anyone. I understood and went back to the table where people were chatting as if we hadn’t left.
I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I told everyone we had to leave early because of prior plans. My sister-in-law then confronted me angrily, accusing me of cutting the party short because of her announcement. I tried to explain calmly that it wasn’t about her and that the focus should have been on Anna’s birthday.
Later, my brother sent me a message accusing me of being selfish and jealous. He suggested we were careless, which was especially hurtful since we had been extremely careful.
I’m feeling frustrated. Did I handle this poorly?
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AITA for Ending the Party After a Pregnancy Reveal?
My wife Anna and I had a miscarriage last year, which was very hard on her. For her birthday on January 14th, I threw a party to cheer her up, knowing how much she needed it.
During the party, my brother and SIL announced their pregnancy, shifting the focus away from Anna’s special day. Anna was visibly upset and went to our bedroom crying.
I decided to cut the party short and told everyone we needed to leave early. My SIL was angry and accused me of ending the party because of their announcement.
Later, my brother called me selfish and jealous. I’m frustrated and unsure if I handled this poorly.
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_Announcing your pregnancy at someone else’s party is incredibly selfish. Doing so at the party of someone who has recently miscarried is beyond evil. And as for your brother’s “carelessness” comment, I think that’s a clear case of “fighting words.
It’s because most people don’t know that miscarriage is extremely common. Until you’ve had a miscarriage you don’t know that about half of everyone you know who’s been pregnant has had or nearly had a miscarriage (‘high risk pregnancy,’ bed rest, eclampsia etc). Until you whisper it to female relatives no one tells you it happened to them, too. If you know four women who were ever fertile and of childbearing age, one of them probably had a miscarriage. If they all bore a child at some point in life, one of them definitely had a miscarriage. If you know ten women who ever had unprotected sex while of childbearing age, two of them had a first trimester miscarriage that they may not have clocked, as it would have happened around the time they started worrying about being ‘late’ and would have read as an especially heavy period. My mom had several before and after I was born and was determined to spread the word so I grew up hearing about it and getting good, thorough, science-based reproductive information.
My dad had heart issues that led to a major stroke, and some minor ones (not to freak you out, he’s mostly ok now after some speech rehab). Dad’s much more prone to frustration, anger, and needs more rest than before – so there’s a chance that even a minor stroke is basically making your husband’s brain work extra hard, and he needs quiet time etc. that he’s currently short on. Definitely make sure you get him checked out, and I hope it’s nothing serious ❤️
