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I’m 32M, dating Jenny, 27F, for almost a year. We’ve met each other’s friends and families. Jenny is an only child, while I have a younger sister, Anna, 21F. Anna and I are very close because our parents had demanding jobs, leaving me to care for her during her teenage years.
Recently, Jenny has made snide remarks about Anna, joking that our parents and I spoiled her. Last week, at a friend’s party, Jenny seemed to focus excessively on Anna, grilling her about her studies, dating life, and plans.
Anna shared a story about a date where the guy didn’t even offer to split the bill, leaving her to cover the entire meal. Jenny laughed and said, “Not every guy is going to treat you like your brother. You need to lower your standards.” This comment rubbed me wrong because it implied Anna didn’t deserve basic respect.
Then Jenny added that such a thing would never happen to her because men see her as “high value.” That was my breaking point. I told her she was giving me “the ick” and to stop talking to my sister like that.
The argument we had later that night was intense. Jenny accused me of overreacting to an innocuous comment and even said I’d make a terrible father because I would always favor my sister over everyone else. Being called a ‘terrible father’ hit me hard, and I’m still in shock. I don’t think I was wrong, but I need another opinion.
AITA for defending my sister and calling out my girlfriend’s behavior at the party?
more info: Reddit
A 32-year-old man named John has been dating a 27-year-old woman named Jenny for nearly a year. They have met each other’s colleagues and integrated into each other’s professional lives. Jenny is an only child, while John has a younger sister named Anna, who is 21 years old. John and Anna share a close bond because John often took care of her during their teenage years due to their parents’ demanding jobs.
Recently, John noticed that Jenny had started making snide remarks about Anna, suggesting that she was spoiled by their parents and by John himself. At a work event, Jenny’s behavior towards Anna became even more uncomfortable. She excessively focused on Anna, questioning her about her career, dating life, and plans.
Anna recounted a story about a date where she had to cover the entire meal because the guy didn’t offer to split the bill. Jenny laughed and commented, “Not every guy is going to treat you like your brother. You need to lower your standards.” This remark bothered John as it implied Anna didn’t deserve basic respect.
Jenny then added that such a situation would never happen to her because men see her as “high value.” This was John’s breaking point. He told Jenny she was giving him “the ick” and to stop talking to his sister in such a manner.
The argument that ensued later that night was intense. Jenny accused John of overreacting to an innocuous comment and claimed he would make a terrible father because he would always favor his sister over everyone else. Being called a ‘terrible father’ deeply affected John, leaving him in shock.
John now wonders if he was wrong for defending his sister and calling out his girlfriend’s behavior at the event. He seeks another opinion to validate his actions and feelings.
Op, why are you with this person in the first place, she clearly has no respect for your sister, she’s jealous of your sister , and indirectly put down your sister in front of you and directly was offensive to sister now, and she said you’ll be a ‘terrible father ‘ when the conversation was not even related to that , she wanted to hit you where it hurts, and seems like it did.
I would think she feels she’s “high value” because she’s all Asian and not half and half like her boyfriend and his sister. That’s how it came across to me, at least.
I would say it’s indicative of internalized misogyny but I’m millennial… Is pick me code for “I’m a woman and I hate woman”?
NTA Jenny is jealous of your sister.
That will never change.
She will continue to make little (and big) digs at Anna. She will do her best to come between the two of you. She will constantly go after your relationship with Anna. She will compare birthday and Christmas gifts and complain if she thinks Anna’s gift is better or bigger or more expensive. If you have children it will get worse as any time you spend with Anna will be time stolen from the children. She will not want Anna around the children due to her “influence”.
Good luck. You are in for a long, hard, disastrous road.
