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AITA for asking my daughter to pick a different restaurant for her birthday dinner? My daughter recently turned 17, and my husband and I let her pick a restaurant for her birthday. She chose a seafood place we hadn’t been to before. When I checked the menu, I saw it mostly had shellfish and only a few options without seafood.
Our 15-year-old son is allergic to shellfish and doesn’t like fish. There were only a couple of things he could eat, and I was worried he might not enjoy his meal or get sick from cross-contamination.
I told my daughter we couldn’t go to that restaurant and asked her to choose somewhere else. My son said he’d be fine staying home and having pizza. My husband thought we should let our daughter choose since it was her birthday and said our son would be okay with pizza and video games.
However, we don’t go out as a family very often, and I wanted both kids to be there. So, I insisted on a different restaurant, and we ended up having a nice meal together. My daughter is a bit upset that she didn’t get her first choice.
Most people I’ve talked to think I’m wrong. Since we don’t go out much, I wanted to make sure the whole family could enjoy it. Was it wrong of me to insist on a place where we could all eat together?
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YTA for a lot of reasons. First, if you were going to put parameters on her choice, you should have told her that beforehand. Second, you seem more hung up on the fact that your son wouldn’t like the food than his allergy. Your son’s preferences are irrelevant. This is your daughter’s day. He seems to understand that, but you don’t. Third, if you were really concerned about cross-contamination, you could have called ahead to discuss your concerns and see what precautions the restaurant would be willing to take. If that isn’t satisfying (which would be perfectly understandable), your son offered to stay home.
I get that you want to have a family meal, but all you have done is tell your daughter that she is not worth individual celebration. This could have been a great opportunity for you and your husband to have individual time with your 17-year-old— a rare opportunity. Instead, you squandered that, created unnecessary conflict, and possibly formed resentment between your daughter and her brother.
ElementalHelp writes:YTA.
Your son was fine with staying home. Your husband was fine with your son staying home. It’s your daughter’s birthday. But you chose to center a day that is supposed to be about your daughter on your son’s needs.
Does your daughter ever get to enjoy the seafood she likes? Or does she have to wait to get away from you and your controlling tendencies and move away from you in order to do that?
Sounds like the latter. I wonder how often she’ll actually call home when she leaves, given your relentless need to prioritize her brother (when literally nobody is asking you to).
YTA. Your son offered an easy solution, but you rejected that. I get that you can only afford to go out as a family a limited number of times, but geez – it’s her birthday dinner! You told her to pick out the restaurant she wanted. Might as well just asked your son where he wanted to go for her birthday.
“Most people I’ve asked say I’m wrong” – that’s because you ARE WRONG.
ICantDrive5 writes:I agree with the YTA but it’s not what the son wants. He was cool staying home so his sister could enjoy her bday meal. It’s the mom who wanted dinner with “BOTH” her kids. This has nothing to do with the son and everything to do with the mom getting what she wants.
