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AITA for Asking My Boss to Step Away and Now Getting Written Up? My boss smokes cigarettes, and the smell is unbearable for me. He takes 4 to 8 smoke breaks a day, but if anyone else asks for a short break, it’s an issue unless they’re smoking too. Even though he washes his hands when he returns from his breaks, the smell sticks to his breath and clothes.
Yesterday, after one of his breaks, he approached me while I was with a customer. He didn’t wash his hands this time because he was in a hurry. I didn’t need his help and hadn’t asked for it. He stood right behind me, breathing over my shoulder, so I asked, “Hey, boss, could you give me a bit of space? I’ve got this covered.”
When he didn’t move, I said quietly, “I’m sorry, but the cigarette smell is making me feel a bit sick.” He just stared at me, so I took a step back. After a few awkward minutes, he went out for another smoke break. When he came back and saw that the customers had left, he told me, “You need to learn how to talk to people in front of customers!”
I tried to apologize and explain that I didn’t mean to embarrass him, but he cut me off, saying, “We’ll discuss this WHEN I DECIDE!” I let it go for the rest of the shift.
This morning, he sent me a long text accusing me of having a body odor (BO). I use all-natural deodorant due to skin sensitivities and shower every morning. While his smoking bothers me, I haven’t complained about his smell. Now, he’s threatening to write me up for “insubordination,” claiming I was “very rude” in front of a customer. If he does proceed with the write-up, I’m ready to take it to HR.
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AITA for Asking My Boss to Step Away and Now Getting Written Up?
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Dealing with my boss’s cigarette smoke is becoming increasingly difficult for me. He takes multiple smoke breaks throughout the day, but if anyone else requests a short break, it’s only acceptable if they’re smoking. Even though he washes his hands when he comes back, the lingering smell remains on his breath and clothes.
Yesterday, right after one of his breaks, he came up behind me while I was assisting a customer. He didn’t wash his hands this time due to the customer’s presence. I hadn’t asked for his help, and I didn’t need it. As he hovered over me, I said, “Hey, boss, could you give me a little space? I’ve got this covered.”
When he didn’t move, I added softly, “Sorry, but the cigarette smell is making me feel a bit ill.” He just stared at me, so I stepped back. After a few awkward minutes, he went outside for another smoke break. Upon his return and seeing that the customers had left, he said, “You need to learn how to address people in front of customers!”
I tried to apologize and explain that I didn’t mean to embarrass him, but he interrupted me, saying, “We’ll talk about this WHEN I DECIDE!” I let it drop for the rest of the shift.
This morning, he sent me a lengthy text accusing me of having a body odor (BO). I use all-natural deodorant due to skin sensitivity and shower every day. Although his smoking bothers me, I’ve never complained about it. Now he’s threatening to write me up for “insubordination,” claiming I was “very rude” in front of a customer.
If he goes ahead with the write-up, I’m planning to take it to HR.
Let’s swiftly assess a handful of the top comments: AITA for Asking My Boss to Step Away and Now Getting Written Up?
mmebrightside Writes:
He acted very inappropriately and conveniently forgets that you asked him politely to move away, it is not wrong to defend your personal space and he clearly was too dense to understand the polite ask, so you had to be more blunt. He just didn’t expect to get called out and it embarrassed him. He then very inappropriately wrote you a letter full of directed insults.
No way this nose-blind asshole has a legit complaint about your BO he is being deliberately hurtful. Your actions are not the same. You asked for personal space politely because you were feeling nauseous from the 2nd hand smoker smell, but you didn’t make it about that until he ignored your polite request. Don’t wait, go to HR now, you have a valid complaint, he does not. And if nobody ever reports him, nothing will ever be done about it.
PennyPink321 Writes:
I quit 5 years ago but I could definitely smell, including my own smoke stink. Maybe not as intensely, but definitely still noticeable.
That’s true.
After my 25+ years in corporate America, you might say that I have a little bit of bitterness and resentment going on. So my thoughts on the matter aren’t exactly unbiased.
I’m a freelance programmer now, and I’ve never been happier in my career. Finally found a set of coworkers I can get along with. Me. 😉
Kirshalla Writes:
This is a great way of explaining the situation while also raising your concerns with HR.
Do this BEFORE he writes you up.
My partner had to do this with a boss. It sucks. And as others have said, HR is not your friend, but if you get ahead of this, you will be better off than trying to defend yourself.
“I’m concerned my boss may be trying to retaliate against me with disciplinary action after I politely asked him to give me some personal space.
He had just returned from a smoke break and I realized his odor was making the customer and I both uncomfortable.
When I tried to address it with him privately after I was finished with the customer, he cut me off and didn’t address the issue for the rest of the shift. I later received this text message unprompted from him.
None of the issues he mentioned have ever been brought up to me before, either publicly or privately, and I am concerned this behavior may be harassment and retaliatorty in nature.”
